Growing Up with Authoritarian Parents: It Psychological effects

This series examines the effects on children and on us as adults of having parents with an authoritarian attitude. Definitely, the way we were brought up–along with our genetic makeup–are the two most important shapers of who we become as persons in life. In this series that began with The pains of growing up with narcissistic parents, I will continue to examine the psychological effects of certain types of parenting styles–the effects they have on our emotional and relational lives–and on our adult personalities traits. In general, our relationship with our parents determines our future personality traits and our relationship with authority figures and the law in general.

The destructive psychological effects of the extreme’s postures in children’s discipline

Extremes on the side of excessive authoritarianism or excessive leniency have harmful effects on children’s psychological well-being. And children exposed to these forms of upbringing will later grow up to be adults affected by neurotic problems. This is particularly the case in those children brought up by repressive parental figures. In the opposite situation, that of excessive leniency, they will develop personality disorders as they are brought up in disarray without any rules or moral guidance.

Mental health resides in the middle path

As always, mental health resides in a balance between extremes. This stance was already expressed in ancient times by the wisdom of the Buddha who advocated “the Middle Path” in human affairs. In the western philosophical tradition, this concept was best expressed by Aristotle. He was the philosopher who suggested that “everything should be done in its proper measure and harmoniously.” The Aristotelian ideal of “Harmony” resides in the avoidance of extremes in child rearing: excessive authority (authoritarianism) and anarchy (excessive leniency).

The Authoritarian character

The “Authoritarian Personality” was described by German philosopher Theodor W. Adorno, in his book The Authoritarian Personality in 1950. In this seminal work, Adorno described a set of criteria by which to define personality traits. His work ranked these authoritarian traits and their intensity in any given person on what it called the ‘F scale’ (F for fascist). This F personality type he believed clustered in individuals as the result of their childhood experiences.

These authoritarian traits included:

1-Conventionalism
2-Authoritarian submission and aggression
3-Anti-intraception (lack of introspection or self-examination)
4-Superstition
5-Stereotypy (adherence to sameness and a rejection of change)
6-The cult of power and “toughness”
7-Destructiveness
8-Cynicism
9-Exaggerated concerns over sex mixed with excessive repressive stances about it.

Adorno’s work was carried out right after the defeat of Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy. For that reason, “the F factor” (the authoritarian factor) stands for the political term “Fascism.” Fascism is then a variant of extreme right-wing politics based on authoritarian ideology. It is founded upon the fundamental of total submission of the individual to the state and to the leader (the Fuhrer exemplified by Hitler in Germany and the Duce by Mussolini in Italy). However, authoritarianism is not the exclusive province of extreme right-wing politics.

In fact, authoritarian attitudes and methods were (and still are) used by left-wing totalitarian systems. This has been the case throughout modern history. Although it may seem unintuitive, there are “fascists” from the left too, and they can be as authoritarian extreme right wing fascist regimes. Authoritarian forms of government were the rule rather than the exception in human history until the advent of modern democracies. These regimes were normally found throughout antiquity in the ruling of Empires and Kingdoms.

In modern times, the best case of an authoritarian regimes from the left were Stalin’s Soviet Union, Mao’s Communist China, Kim Jong-Un’s North Korea, and the Castro’s regimes in Cuba. So, instead of talking about the politically biased “F factor,” we should rather speak of “the T factor.” The “T factor” stands for the Totalitarian Mentality regardless of political or religious colors.

The Totalitarian Mentality

The totalitarian mentality is the ultimate expression of the authoritarian character. It is a mentality that pervades an individual, a culture, a society, and nation as a whole political system. Within it, we find individuals with authoritarian personalities who enforce their ideologies on the rest. This mentality is based on the conviction that others have no right to think, live, or believe differently.

The Authoritarian personality is a biased–one-sided way of looking at people, things, ideas–and the world in general. It is a rigid form of thinking that divides people and things into black and white and into right and wrong. The totalitarian individual refuses to see the true hues of reality. For him/her there are no greys: Reality–and everyone else for that matter– must adapt to them and not otherwise. As a result, he or she always admires force, power, and they love to submit to the Alfa (male or female) of the pack or to their fundamental ideology regardless of colors.

When it comes to an authoritarian individual, you are either with them or against them. If you happen to be a moderate, they will accuse you of being “lukewarm” or “wishy washy.” If they are on the right of the political spectrum, they will say you are “a pink head.” If they are on the extreme left, they will say you are “a fascist.” But nothing that does not agree 100 percent with their narrow way of looking at things is acceptable to the Totalitarian character.

The results of the dichotomic mentality: extremism and fundamentalism

The authoritarian cannot see totalities, only partialities. He or she is usually an extremist and a fanatic. Authoritarians of any ilk believe in fundamentals. “Fundamentals” are very narrow and literal interpretations of religious doctrines and or the Sacred Scriptures and/or of political manifestos. Fundamentals can be really dangerous in the area of politics or religion as they are the source of all forms of intolerant excesses. They are the root of persecution and terrorist acts.

Examples of fundamentalisms are seeing in all the great Religions of the world, but they are particularly noticeable in some brands of protestant puritanical religions, in orthodox Catholicism, in some branches of Islam–and even in groups of orthodox Judaism.

In history, fundamentalism in religion led to the tragedies of the Crusades, the Inquisition, the witch hunts, the pogroms, the holocaust and many other forms of genocides. All of these acts were carried out in the name of God or “the Higher power” of State or Race.

The idea behind ANY fundamentalism is that the Authoritarian Fundamentalist and his/her group are always right. And anybody else holding a different set of beliefs is always wrong. The others, (those who do not belong to the group) are “infidels,” “heathen,” “the enemy” or they are plain wrong and immoral.

The authoritarian erects himself as the ultimate judge of others. He or she believes they are Always RIGHT and would rather be right than kind to others. Their main characteristic is a sense of unbending self-righteousness and of narcissistic superiority over all others. In the area of race and nation, this mentality leads to White Supremacy ideology currently active in the United States and Europe. This mental set is the foundation of the xenophobe Nazi ideology that led the world to the holocaust and to the killing of over 6 million Jews and 54 million people from every nationality during world war II.

Recognizing authoritarian traits in your parents and their consequences in you

Let’s admit the fact that there is no such a thing as a perfect parent: We are all flawed in this area of life. There is no parenting school in life; we just tend to repeat unconsciously what our parents did with us. It is important to remember, however, that parenting requires exerting a certain degree of authority over our children. That is an unavoidable fact of life. The question is what kind of authority the parent figure exerts.

In this regard there are three stances:

1-Authoritarianism
2-Laissez faire leniency
3-Rational authority

The effects of authoritarian parents on children

What children want most is to be loved by their parents. They want to be protected and admired by them. They need to be approved of by the parental figures. They crave their parents’ approval to survive, to grow, and to feel good about themselves. If they get these emotional needs met, then they develop a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence later on in life.

When parents are authoritarian with their children there are four possibilities regarding the children’s reactions:

1-They become too submissive and obedient and do not learn to take the initiative and make decisions for themselves. This means, they become too dependent on external authority. They also become fearful, complacent, and prone to becoming followers and anxious.
2-These children identify with the authoritarian parent and become authoritarian personalities themselves imposing their rigid rules on their own offspring.
3-They rebel against any authority becoming in the process “rebels without a cause” and may even get in trouble with the law as adults.
4-They leave their parents behind and try to ignore them by keeping a healthy distance from them. Sometimes, they do this by moving from them as far as they can to the other side of the country.

The authoritarian parent is a perennial critic who is never quite pleased with his/her child

The authoritarian parent is always critical, blaming, and shaming the child. He or she is never quite satisfied with anything their children do. For this reason, no matter how much the child makes efforts to please the expectations of these parents, they feel as if they are always falling short. This feeling of inadequacy leads them to what I call the “not-good enough syndrome” so commonly seen in clinical psychiatric practice in America.

In these conditions, the child develops a tendency to excessive guilt, to be easily shamed, and to becoming self-critical. As a result, they may fear or over idealize parents or authority figures. They become insecure individuals and live in a constant state of dread and worry about life. These people go around life and relate to authority figures as if they are always at fault and about to be punished by them or God. This undermines their sense of independence, their self-esteem, their self-confidence–and their ability for self-assertion.

The aftermath of an authoritarian upbringing

Finally, this oppressed child cannot make a free choice of his/her political or religious affiliations without incurring in the wrath of the parents. This usually leads to a hypocritical adherence to the parents’ values, and/or their religious and political affiliations. Eventually, as they leave the nest, these children leave behind their group of original belonging, whether it was a church or a political affiliation. In consequence, many of these children react against religion altogether and they become atheists. They have developed an “allergy” to the authoritarian ways in which they were brought up by their parents and by the leaders of their churches.

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I hope to see you in my next post,

Till then,

Dr T