Coping with the COVID-19 Pandemic Article 3 “Dealing with Uncertainty and Loneliness”

There is no question about the fact that this pandemic–the most global event since the Spanish Flu in 1918–has brought to the forefront, like no other previous historical event, widespread feelings of Uncertainty. It has also aggravated the problem of loneliness in millions of people in our country and around the world.

Day in an day out, this is what I see and hear in my psychiatric office. People these days are complaining of much higher levels of anxiety caused by the many “unknowns” that this pandemic has brought about in their lives. At the same time, I hear more and more people complaining of growing feelings of social isolation. COVID-19 has brought to the forefront “people’s human contact hunger” and it has increased the feelings of disconnectedness as a result.

From a psychological perspective, this pandemic has put to the test two of the most important human instincts: self-preservation and the social instinct. The advent of COVID-19 attempts against these two basic human needs. This is so as Humans are social beings by nature. People need a measure of human contact, connections, and security to run their lives with a tolerable degree of anxiety. Lack of contact, disconnection from others, and generalized insecurity sends the levels of anxiety skyrocketing.

Insecurity in this context means a heightened level of threat to our lives, our health, and our ability to make a living. All of these things are now being threatened at the same time by this pandemic. Insecurity in this situation is aggravated by the high levels of uncertainty created by the COVID-19 pandemic. This is so as everything in our lives right now is up in the air. Things have not gone as we were initially told by the authorities. The virus did not plateau as they promised us–and this is not even a “second wave” yet. In fact, the viral spread is getting faster and larger by the day. Yesterday, the US experienced over 1000 deaths due to COVID-19. This is the largest number of deaths since the pandemic began in February 2020. By now, we have more than 150 thousand American deaths and over 4.2 million people detected with the infection putting the United States at the dubious privilege of being ahead of all other nations in numbers of the dead and infected. And, despite all counter measures, the rate of infection and deaths from COVID-19, is accelerating, to the point that many states that were in phase 2 and 3 are now having to consider going back to phase 1 or possible lock-down and hard quarantine once again.

In the meantime, our federal government–which has done nothing but commit one blunder after another since the beginning of this pandemic–cannot come to unify a nationwide criteria of prevention and mitigation leaving it up to the states to scramble in their effort to manage the pandemic the best they can separately–like if they were 50 different nations!!!

In Washington state, this public health problem is aggravated by the fact that the travel and tourism industry has been hit so hard that it brought about a virtual stop in the new orders of planes from the Boeing Company, which is the biggest state employer. This situation has generated thousand of layoffs, furloughs, and forced early retirements; these drops outs in employment amount to a 15 percent of the Boeing work force.

In these tough circumstances, those who get to keep their jobs are overworked and stressed out. While, those who have lost them, are now unemployed and wondering what they will do next, especially after the state and federal government help ends. This fact, unemployment and economic depression, cause massive amounts of anxiety, uncertainty, and worries in thousands. At the same time, many people in Washington state–as in most hard hit states– have had to close their businesses as a result of the pandemic. Many will never recover from this hit. Entire industries had to declare bankruptcy as a result of COVID-19. This is bad news for the recovery phase.

On the home front, we have parents wondering what is going to happen to their children come September. Are they going to have to attend school personally and risk COVID-19 infection? Is it safe to go to school in these conditions? Is it safe for the kids and for the families?

The teachers and the school administrators face the same dilemmas; and so do the state education and health officials. There is fear, anger, and distrust: massive discontent in everybody involved. The problem is that nobody has the ultimate answers to these questions, in terms of what is the best way to proceed. Nobody knows which is the best way to go as this situation is simply UNPRECEDENTED. This reality, in turn, augments the feelings of Uncertainty in a massive scale.

The problem for parents is this: If we send our children to school, will they be safe? Will they catch the virus? Will they bring the virus home? and if so, should we even be in touch with our own parents (the children grandparents) who are in the highest risk groups?

State authorities intent on normalizing the situation too soon DO NOT REALIZE that CHILDREN–especially those of age under 10 do not tolerate wearing masks well. Also, they are not going to be able to follow social distancing measures in school as officials expect. The younger the child, the more difficult the task of making them follow COVID-19 precautions faithfully will be. To make matters more complicated, most classrooms in our nation were already overpopulated to begin with, even before the pandemic began. And most working parents rely on schools as de facto daytime daycares. This other aspect of the problem, places an inordinate amount of stress on parents that have to decide what to do with their children if they cannot attend school because of COVID. In these circumstances, if children stay home, which is obviously the safer option from a health standpoint, then one of the parents has to opt out of going out to work, which decreases the household income even further. So, most parents I talk to on a daily basis are in angst to find out what is going to happen to our schools and how is this going to be played out.

So, this is are some of the problems we confront as a result of this pandemic, and there are no ideal answers for their resolution.

But here are 5 suggestions to follow as we go through this process coping with “normalization” of our lives during COVID-19 pandemic without vaccines.

1-It is essential to keep your mind focused on the present, on the day to day affairs of life, and not to press fast forward on the mind button. Address each and every problem as if shows up on a daily basis. Deal with each situation one day a time–and do not despair. Remember WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT WITH THIS ONE

2-The best antidote to worry is action. This means, get only enough news to get by and make daily decisions. Stop the toxic influx of bad depressing news into your daily live. Turn off that TV, radio or cell phone or computer screen. It is a waste of your precious time and energy, and it will only increase your need for sedatives.

3-Make a list of the things that need to be done right away, and start doing them now. Do not wait until unemployment runs out to think out your next employment move. Start making alternative plans for childcare in case your kids have to stay home and do school online. Remember that after we have vaccines in place next year, the situation will most likely return to normal. So, make temporary work decision plans if you have to stop working for a while.

4-The worst anxiety inducer is Uncertainty. The best cure, a measure of certainty and control. Try and work on exerting control on those things in our life you have control over, and give up trying to control the macro circumstances you have no control over. The only garden you can really till is your own, that is, that of your own mind. Change your thoughts and attitudes and your feelings will follow suit.

5-The best antidote to feelings of loneliness is human connection. Even though we all as human beings love to be physically touched by others, to shake hands, to kiss, to hug, to be caressed, to cuddle, to spend time side by side or face to face, or to do rough and tumble play, there is another way of connecting with others. People can have presence in other people’s lives by writing to them, calling them, face-timing with them, and using any of the myriad of virtual methods that current technology provides us to connect. The key word here is to have PRESENCE in the other person’s life. But, what matters most in this regard, is to change your attitude from the ” I am lonely, nobody calls me” to the “how can I let someone know they are not alone?”

If you operate based on this latter premise–the idea that someone out there is more alone and lonely than you are and needs your company–then the world is full of possibilities for human connection. In keeping someone else company, you are accompanying yourself.