Five Tips on How to Cope with Painful Situations

Pain is inevitable… this is not to say that we cannot minimize the occurrences of painful situations. Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves and the choices we make in life. And yet, we have all been guilty at one point or another of making poor choices that well…concluded in us feeling pain that could have been prevented otherwise. What I mean by “pain is inevitable” is that we all will experience painful moments in our lives. This is the case whether the cause of the pain is losing a close relationship–such as a friend, family member, or romantic partner–or fighting battles within ourselves: depression…anxiety…and so forth.

This list is not exhaustive. Today I will share with you five pieces of wisdom I have personally attained about pain and how to cope with it in the hopes that this insight will help you find guidance and healing.

You must first acknowledge that you are hurting and, in doing so, you must allow yourself to feel your pain.

Yes, I know, who want to feel the intensity of their emotions when they are already down? Wouldn’t that be even more painful? I get it. But, trust me when I say this is a necessary step to heal and to grow. So, if you need to, break down, cry about it, do whatever you need to do, but in this process allow yourself to be fully present with what is going on with you. This means: Pay attention to your mind and body throughout the entire process.

This entails the practice of “mindfulness” of your bodily experience: What thoughts are you having? Do you have any sensations in your body when you have these thoughts? Keep in mind that oftentimes physical pain is a reaction to psychological pain and vice versa. Physical pain can cause psychological pain. So, by allowing yourself to feel your feelings–and by getting in touch with your body–you will better understand what you are feeling in the moment and what triggers those feelings.

Now that you have purged your emotions, it is time to make a list. Start to write down what it is that is bothering you at this moment.

If it was a relationship that ended, begin to write down what you were unhappy with. Remember to be honest with yourself. Avoid the temptation of making it look “rosy” in retrospect. What did you do or did not do to contribute to the situation? Write that down as well. This is important to understand the situation you are dealing with. This will help prevent you from over-analyzing the situation in search for “answers.” Be okay knowing that we do not always get “answers” or reach “closure” in life.

There is a saying that goes “when one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long–and regretfully–upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

When we are feeling emotional pain, we are in a state of impending doom. Our critical voice inside our heads can be so cruel to us. It can be cruel enough to make us believe “things will never get better.” Well, I am here to tell you it will get better; but only if you take the proper steps to get there. They say “time heals all wounds;” this is not always the case if a year has gone by and you are still stuck in the same mind-set you were on day one of the painful event. Albert Einstein said” “You do not solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” Healing takes TIME and WORK. And I know that is not what you want to hear–but emotional work takes effort on your part.

4- So, start small and go slow. Focus on yourself, your wants, your needs, your goals! Have you been wanting to lose 20 lbs.? What better time to get into the gym then right now! Wanting to get a promotion at your work? What better time to invest in your talents than right now! The problem is people have all these dreams and goals, but they often fail to just start somewhere. People always come up with excuses: “Well, in a few months when I…” You fill in the blank. And we are all guilty of this.

My point is just get started. This is not to say go out there and try to tackle everything overnight. You will get overwhelmed and feel discouraged. Remember, start small. Maybe, go for a walk once a day or give up Friday night pizza. Maybe, inform your boss you are wanting to take on more responsibilities at work. As the days turn into weeks–and the weeks into months–you will be closer to achieving your goals and you will start becoming a happier YOU! Not only will you feel accomplished, but you will also be occupying your time, which means less time to think about the pain you are feeling.

Find support in your friends!

I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a good support network in your life. Your friends can help you get through those grueling moments in life. If you think to yourself “I don’t have any friends,” I would strongly suggest seeking a therapist. They will listen to you without bias and help you get the skills to get back out there and network once again. Also, start looking for people who are alone and let them know they are not.

5-Finally, take an interest in YOU. And, learn to be okay with being alone too.

It is important to spend time getting to know yourself and enjoy your own company. It is a difficult skill to master–but crucial. There is not always going to be someone or something to lean on. Part of learning to tolerate painful situations is learning how to be okay being alone.Rather than turning to a substance (or another person) to temporarily make you feel better (the hallmarks of “Codependence”), try picking up a new sport or hobby. Read a book, do yoga, meditate, build/create something, and the list goes on. Not only will you acquire new knowledge and talents but the need for codependence will begin to decrease. I hope these five tips are helpful to you in gaining perspective on how to deal with painful moments in your life.

And remember, we ALL experience painful moments in our lives. You are not alone in this. You deserve to be happy–and what you do in moments of adversity matters most. Embrace the Change caused by a Crisis in your life and use it as an Opportunity to learn and grow. You will thank yourself in the long run

Your comments and questions are welcome. If you liked the content of this post, let it be known to others that may benefit from reading it by giving it a “like” below.

I hope to meet you again in future posts; until then, good luck in your efforts to change!

Priscilla A. Trivisonno

Clinical MSW Student Blog Contributor