How to Deal with Narcissists: The Different Narcissist Types

How to Deal with Narcissists: The Different Narcissist Types

This is the first post on a series on how to detect different types of narcissists and how to deal with them.  The first point to make here is that the term “narcissism” covers different traits.  Therefore, there are many types of narcissists.  These different forms of narcissism are above and beyond the narrower diagnosis of Narcissistic personality Disorder (NPD) as described in the DSM 5.  The Narcissistic disorders are rather a spectrum of traits that are found–to different degrees–in different people.

The two basic types of narcissists

It is essential to know how to deal with narcissists and become familiar with their different types. Let’s start by admitting that we all have an Ego. Therefore, we all have a degree of narcissism: That fact is inescapable.  And some degree of “narcissism” (Self-love) is psychologically healthy.  This is known as good self-esteem.  So, while good self-esteem is psychologically healthy (as long as it also takes others into consideration too), an excess of Narcissism may become a personality problem.

People with too big an EGO (Narcissistic types) are what I will be describing here and in following posts.  In this regard, a first discrimination to make is between the so called “malignant narcissists” and the “benign ones.”

The “malignant narcissists” are people that are not only grandiose and self-centered but that they also lack empathy and a moral conscience (they lack a Superego in their psychological makeup).  This means, these types do not care for other people’s feelings, wellbeing, or value.  

Caring for others are highly appreciated social values that may—or may not–be present in people.  The “malignant narcissists” see others as “less than them,” as subhuman or as their servants. They regard them as “a public,” “a set of admires,” “subjects to His Royal Majesty,” or “objects” to be used or to satisfy their own needs.  These needs are usually sexual, economic, or power-related. 

Personality disorders that fall under the malignant narcissist’s category

Psychopaths and sociopaths (most of these types also meet criteria for what DSM5 calls the Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD).  The difference between psychopaths and sociopaths is subtle.  A psychopath lacks any moral conscience.   A sociopath, on the other hand, may have traces of a moral conscience, but it is too weak for the individual to restrain himself when it comes to act in antisocial ways. 

The diagnosis of APD is not based so much on psychical structure–or on mechanisms of defense–used by the individual, but on external behaviors that are defined by attitudes and actions:

1-Disregard for the law

2-Opposition to social rules

3-Disrespect for other peoples’ property or wellbeing.

4-Lack of a moral code

5-They incur in criminal activity.

6-A tendency to act out impulsively, violently, and sexually.

7-Poor tolerance to frustration.

8-Frequent use of addictive substances

9- Use of violence and intimidation to get their needs met.

10-A rejection of work or making honest efforts to make a living.

On psychopaths and sociopaths

Psychopaths as seen on movies or TV are potentially dangerous.  Some of them are even serial killers. These types will not stop before anything to do their bidding and carry out their perverse desires on others.  Their strategies to get what they want in life include, but are not limited to: Charming others, manipulating them, playing “nice guy” and “poor me,” lying, concealing, and conniving to get whatever they want from others without restraint.

At times, sociopaths tend to be partners in crime with the psychopath.  Although, oftentimes, the true psychopath operates on his own in secret and without partners.  The psychopaths maintain a façade of normality and therefore they tend to lead double lives.  Best examples of these are Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, and the infamous BTK killer.

Sociopaths examples would be the “sisters” of the Manson clan who committed the Tate-LaBianca murders in the late sixties.  These crimes were induced by the mastermind (Manson) who did not stain his own hands in blood but made others act on his behalf.  This ability to manipulate others and make them do their bid is the ultimate attainment in psychopathy.  There is nothing more Machiavellian than to have one’s own desires met without moving a finger.  They can even carry out one’s perverted desires by proxy, so to speak.  These sociopaths, in their extreme narcissism, position themselves as “Gods” to their following tribes, who follow them blindly even into homicide or suicide. They are often found as leaders of cults of any ilk.

Antisocial personality disorder (ASP) in the United States

• The frequency of ASPD in American population is between 1 to 4%.
• Men are 3 to 5 times more likely of being diagnosed with ASPD than women.
• 6% of men and 2% women are antisocials.
• Some 10 million men and 3 million women in the US are people with antisocial personality disorder. So, watch out!
• As of 2016, 2.3 million people were incarcerated in the United States, at a rate of 698 people per 100,000.
• In 2008 the US had around 24.7% of the world’s 9.8 million prisoners. 
• This means that a quarter of the entire world incarcerated population lives in prison in the United States!

These numbers do not include younger people who suffer from conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder. These two conditions are associated with the development of ASPD later on in life.  By convention, personality disorders cannot be diagnosed in people under 18 in the DSM 5 system.  But many adolescents show all the traits of an antisocial personality early on in life.  The only difference is that mental health professionals label them “conduct disorders” instead of ASPD.

The benign narcissists are a very large group of disparate people

 In this other group of more benign individuals we find:

1-The Hysterical and Histrionic personalities with strong narcissistic traits.

2-The Borderline personality disorder, schizotypal, and schizoid personalities

3-People that suffer from psychotic illnesses, such as schizophrenics and schizoaffective disorders.

4 Large numbers of people that suffer from bipolar disorder, especially in their manic or hypomanic phase.

5-Large numbers of people with substance use disorders.

6- “Organic personalities” (personality disorders caused by brain damage of some kind) and some people with neurological disorders such as temporal lobe epileptics., as well as a variety of miscellaneous narcissistic types.

7-The “As if” narcissists are those who are truly like the narcissist myth in love with their own image.  They are not necessarily bad or evil people—they are just madly “in love” with their own images. They have a good self-image coupled with an insecure core self-esteem.  The two subgroups here are those that are really in love with their looks and those with excessive need for attention to overcompensate feelings of inadequacy or of dislike for their looks.

The textbook “benign narcissist”

These are individuals that are just centered on their own image and need to perennially be the center of attention.  They dress up, work out, go into extreme diets, go “crazy” when they gain a few pounds, and cannot tolerate any form of rejection.  This is the result that they place their entire self-worth on their looks and their ability to attract others.  While they are successful in attracting people, they are deep down very insecure and have problems keeping relationships going.  They have internal emptiness and a weak core sense of Self. 

These are types that are easily recognized as they are always posing for the pictures and posting them on social media.  They are obsessed with their own image; and they thrive by getting admiration from others.  There is a mix of histrionic show off and extreme narcissism in this type.  Without their public to applaud–they feel as though they disappear; their sense of self-esteem crumbles.  This happens often when the “like it” or “little hearts” do not populate in enough numbers their images posted online.

 The “functional” narcissists

These are narcissistic individuals that manage to keep good social functioning in spite of their self-centeredness.  Many famous politicians, leaders, celebrities, Wall Street geniuses, sport stars, and the like, meet these criteria.  The main difference in this group is that they have a degree of empathy for others and that they—through their special skills or looks–achieve ways of becoming successful.

Somehow their narcissism works in their favor instead of against them because it is put socially to good use.  A good case in point of this type is Donald Trump.  

But there are many other representatives of this group, both in history and in the present time: Too many to mention them all.  You can think of Vladimir Putin as another representative of this group of successful narcissists.  And, in general, most famous people in the world of entertainment, the professional sports and the like, are so adored by the masses that—if they were not narcissistic to begin with because of their outstanding skills-they eventually become “Other-made” narcissists or popular idols.  

A good example of this latter type would be the late soccer player Diego Maradona.  Someone of humble origins who was glorified by the masses for his superb skills ascribing to him God-like status. Encouraged by such a massive admiration and success, it is hard for most anyone not to end up believing in their own grandiosity!

So, we see here that there are two sets of narcissists, in turn subdivided into two subsets.  The “good ones” and “bad ones” and the “pro-socially successful” and “the antisocial types “and everything in between. This is so as nothing in the field of psychology is ever black or white.   A good case in history of malignant narcissists who appeared “benign” and initially socially-successful were Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler, and Joseph Stalin.

Why this digression into the different types of narcissists?

I am going into more detail about the many types of narcissists you may run into in your life because you need to learn to identify them early to protect yourself.  You need to learn to ascertain to which group they belong and be on guard.  This knowledge will make a big difference for you in terms of managing your relationships with them and will save you lots of unnecessary pain.

The attraction of narcissism and narcissists

One other thing to keep in mind is that narcissism is highly attractive.  Thus, Narcissists are highly attractive.  This is the state we all depart from in early childhood and we have to give up to become adults.  Deep down, we all wish we could go back to that narcissistic position of being the “child king.” And by nature, we admire those who seem to have been able to retain it into adulthood in spite of all efforts by society to take it away from them.

The attraction of the narcissist is that of the feline, the cat, the young child, the beautiful woman.  It represents an appearance of self-satisfaction and self-containment.  The impression that they love themselves so much that they do not need you.  In females, the paradigm of this type is Cleopatra.

Moreover, many narcissists are very good-looking people–both men and women.  So, they have been idolized by everyone around them since birth. They were liked and admired just because of being beautiful children; they were attractive by their very looks.  There is nothing more intoxicating for humans than being liked and admired by our pretty face. 

These narcissists as a rule did not have to work for other people’s love.  They just got it and took it for granted.  This love was particularly strong from their mothers (although in the case of women, it could be the father).  So, these people walk around for the rest of their life with a sense of entitlement.  They behave as if everyone “owes them something.” Thus, they are usually cocky, conceited, and walk about life with a swagger.

This type is tremendously attractive in both sexes.  But it really wreaks havoc with women that tend to fall for the narcissistic good-looking “bad Boy.”  This is the role played by James Dean in the Hollywood classic “Rebel Without a Cause. “The combination of their looks, their self-centeredness, their rebelliousness, and their disregard for social conventions make this type irresistible to many women as they find in them both an idol to worship and a child to take care of.  These women fall for “the package” and they are seduced by a masculine “metro-narcissism” that exceeds their own feminine one. 

A word on narcissism in women

Women, in general, tend to have more benign forms of narcissistic traits than men. This is part of the role women play in society and in the sexual relationship.  In women, narcissistic traits are usually socially approved and even expected.  You could say their narcissism is essential for the preservation of the species.

Heterosexual women, because of their feminine position in relationships, are by nature about looks and attracting. To be able to generate this effect of seduction and the enticement of men, they first must be seduced by their own image, by their own Self-images.  The more attractive and self-seduced a woman is, the more attractive she becomes to others: Both men and women. (I will devote other posts to narcissism in women and how it specifically plays out in them).

What to take home from this first post on this subject:

• Learn to identify narcissistic traits in others early if you want to save yourself emotional pain.
• Remember that narcissists are extremely attractive, at least initially, but they can become dangerous down the road.
• Remember the two types of narcissists: The Malignant and the Benign ones.
• Stay clear of “malignant narcissists” as much as you can.
• Remember that “appearances” and “substance” are two different things.  And malignant narcissists are superb at the art of concealing themselves into more attractive guises.
• Narcissists are all about keeping appearance, their public reputation, “a semblance,” so to speak.
• Image and attention are everything for them
• If you find strong narcissistic traits in someone you are falling for, you should ask yourself the question: Is it worth it? Where is this going to lead me down the road? Why am I attracted to this guy/woman?
• When dealing with narcissists, your own self-esteem–or lack thereof–will determine the course of events.
• If you idolize him/her in your own detriment that means two things: You are dealing with a narcissist, and you are having problems with low self-esteem yourself.

I will continue this series on how to deal with narcissists in relationships and outside of them. If you liked or benefited from the content of this post, let others know by giving it a “Like it.” As always, feel free to ask a question or leave a comment below.  If you are interested in mental health matters, sign up to this blog free of charge by entering your email address below after pressing “like it.” I hope to see you in my next post.  Till then, stay safe and sound, and have a Nice Christmas and a better New Year

Dr T