Sensuality, Love, and Desire in Men
Sensuality and sexual desire play a very important role in the process of “falling in Love” with someone. This applies not just to men, but to both genders. Yet, in the case of men, it is because of the sensual (visual) attractiveness of the other person (a woman in a case of heterosexual man) that he is initially turned on. This is different in women. For women, looks matter, but words sometimes, matter even more.
It is her physical traits, her body shape, her skin, her odor, her pleasant voice—in short, the entire “stimulation of his senses”–that heightens his initial attention. This initial arrow wound in the heart of a man, in turn, grows into a crescendo of excitement and attention paid to the woman in question. And, eventually, if the circumstances are favorable, it derives in ever deeper feelings of passion and romance. This is how erotic desire operates on the male side of the equation.
But, at this point, in the course of this process of the stimulation of Desire, an unconscious split often takes place in the mind of most men.
The Sexual Split in the Mind of Men
1–In the first instance, a man finds a woman sexually attractive, but she appears to him exclusively as a sexual object (in which case he tends to devalue her as a pure “object”).
A best case in point of this situation is men’s relationships with prostitutes and/or party women. These women turn them on sexually but they are not considered commitment material. A man in these circumstances, looks at the woman just as a casual encounter–as an object of his sexual desire. He looks at her “from the bottom up.”
2–In the second situation, a man finds the woman attractive–not only physically, but also as a person--and he starts to idealize her. This situation is not just sensual—but relational—and its takes much longer to develop.
If she is not sexually available to him, he will magnify the idealized image he has created in his mind of who she is. And, if the right conditions are given, this Idealization will eventually lead to the experience of “falling in love.”
In this second circumstance, instead of her being an object of his sensuality and desire, the man is looking at the woman as a subject of his interest. He looks at her “from the top down.”
The second type of situation–the one that leads to “falling in love”– is enhanced if the woman appears unattainable or if she presents obstacles to the realization of the physical relationship. So, for a man to develop love feelings towards a woman, she MUST present him with a CHALLENGE.
A woman needs to be (or at least needs to play) HARD TO GET. She cannot allow herself to be easy for the potential male candidate. She must put the man to the test and have him “slay a few dragons” for her.
Psychological facts to keep in mind about the phenomena of love and desire in men
Always keep this in mind: “Easy” on the part of the woman in this arena kills love and desire in men.
- It is important to remember that the process of falling in love is increased by the “on and off” phenomenon of presence and absence.
- Periods of absence—by definition—cause Desire and yearning for the desired/loved one.
- Playing “hot and cold” in the love game is the way to go in the Art of seduction.
- Overcrowding your targets–if you intend a serious relationship with a man–produces the opposite effect of that intended.
- Women, always remember the ways of Cleopatra to seduce a man, seduction and withdrawal, seduction and withdrawal.
When men obtain sex easily, in the long run, this is a turn off for them.. If the woman’s intent is to have him fall in love with her, she will be better off by refraining. This is so as in the mind of men, “easy women,” are not considered “commitment material.” This has been so since immemorial times and has not changed in modern times in spite of the “fall of the patriarchy.”
Overall, men tend to see easy access to sex with a woman as a devaluation of the woman in question. Easy access to sex then KILLS DESIRE in men. This is at least in part a result of the fact that there is not enough time to develop a longing for the woman. And this lack of longing, leads to a lack of idealization of the woman that is so necessary for men to fall in love.
I hope this information helps you understand yourself, if you are a man, and help you understand men, if you happen to be a woman. Take these psychological considerations into account as you go about your love life.
If you liked this post, let others know by clicking “like” below.
I will continue with this subject, and the problem of the loss of romance in post modern life, in the next article. As always, your comments and questions are welcome.
I see you in a couple of days,
Dr T