The Loss of Romanticism in People’s Post-Modern Life and Its consequences
Lack of Idealization, on both sides, but particularly on the side of men, is a clear post-modern life phenomenon. It goes along with a generalized loss in romanticism in the XXI century. This loss of romanticism and of Idealization in love relationships is the tragedy of post-modern love lives.
This is so as in love matters, Idealization is ESSENTIAL for any possibility of a long-lasting relationship to develop between a man and a woman.
While easy access to sex (jumping into bed after the first few encounters) may be initially attractive, it rapidly grows old and it kills the possibilities of developing real love. Immediate sexual satisfaction undermines the processes of Idealization and Crystallization. These two processes are necessary for the phenomenon of “falling in love” to take place. This is particularly true on the man side of the love equation.
The Consequences of Sexual Liberation
This matter-of-fact sexual attitude prevalent in post-modern erotic encounters decreases the chances of a man falling in love. Unfortunately, most women of the last four generations have forgotten this reality of the psychology of gender differences. This “forgetting” is the result of six decades of social indoctrination into erasing any possible differences between men and women carried out by radical feminism and by morally-liberal ideology.
As a result of the advent of the birth control “pill” in 1960–-and other many social changes in Western societies—most women in the last sixty years have radically changed their sexual behavior. They went from a more restrained conservative stance to an all-out morally liberal stance on sexual matters. In this regard, women in the Western world have become much more men-like in their sexual lives.
With the advent of radical feminism, women have come to imitate men in their attitudes and in their behaviors in sexual matters. They have gone from being a Woman (pronounced in British English as “Woo-man,” “that being that “woos” men”) to the Americanized version that sounds as WE-men (“that being that IS LIKE men).
As a result of these changes in the psychology and behavior, women today present themselves to men, much more frequently than in previous historical eras, either as “competitors” or as “sexual objects.” These two stances are certainly not conducive to romantic love or harmony in inter-gender relationships.
From Victorianism to Moral Liberation
The world has done a 180 degree turn in the last 120 years in sexual mores. It went from the “repressive” sexual Victorian stance of the late XIX century that Freud decried as “excessive,” to the radically liberal stance of the XXI.
In the post-modern arrangement—many young women have come to enjoy this newly-found sexual freedom. This is exemplified by the “sexual liberation” movement of the late XX century. There have been some undeniable advantages with the arrival of birth control technologies. They have allowed women to enjoy their sexuality without excessive concern about pregnancy. But, every positive advancement in life brings side effects attached to it.
The Effect of the Internet and Social Media on XXI century relationships
A clear example of this is the fact that, in the 2020s, young attractive women get thousands of “likes” or “little red hearts” on their social media posting seminude pictures. This is a new, and previously unknown narcissistic reward, available today for attractive women. And this social reward is the direct result of the use of the Internet and the social media platforms.
Those brief–but highly addicting social rewards–given by the “little hearts” on Instagram are intensely satisfactory to women’s Egos (their Narcissism). In this display of bodies, these women feel ever-more desired. And they even believe to be “loved” by many—and yet, they are more frustrated than ever in their love lives.
Young women today crave sensual popularity; but they do not realize that they sacrifice true love in the process. Even if these attractive women may be (sexually) desired by thousands of men, it is very hard that they will become the object of a man’s Love.
The failure in the Quest for Real Love
No wonder, many women today feel lonely. They often feel “empty” because of the lack of “true Love” in their lives. As a result of these changes in women’s behavior, today most men have adjusted to the new relational realities dictated by moral liberalism. Thus, in the 2020s, most men in developed Western societies ask for sex in the first date, which is a real put off for most women. This is especially true for those women interested in a long-term relationship.
This is a fact about men’s psychology in sexual matters that every woman intent on finding a stable relationship needs to keep in mind and NEVER FORGET.
The Problem Facing Women looking for a Serious Relationship in the 2020s
If you are a woman and want to be serious about finding a long-term relationship with a man that may lead to marriage, being easily available to him sexually decreases your chances of achieving your goal.
The Effect of The Media and Hollywood on Love Life
This reality of the psychology of men applies regardless of the screen myths pushed by Hollywood and the Kardashians.’ Real LIFE is completely different than Fictional Life and it does not respond to the same dynamics. So, in a roundabout way, becoming the object of desire for the many men, gets in the way of a woman’s quest for true love.
A best case in point of this paradoxical phenomenon was actress Marilyn Monroe. In the 1950’s, Marilyn was the “It” woman. People considered her “the Sex Symbol” of her era. All men went “crazy” over her. And, yet, she committed suicide due to a severe depression caused by feeling she was not loved by any men. She bitterly complained to those that knew her that men “saw her as a sex object, a sex symbol,” and not as a woman. Men could not see her as a suffering Human being with a desire to connect, love, and be truly Loved.
Keep these facts in mind if you really want to be taken seriously as a Woman:
- There is a clear split between DESIRE and LOVE in the mind of men (see my previous post on Sensuality, Love, and Desire in Men).
- As a result, men may desire a woman and yet not love her.
- Men may love a woman in an idealized way and not desire her sexually with the same intensity.
- When a man fall in love with a woman, or when she gets pregnant, his love tends to decrease his sensual desire for her.
- The Man-Prostitute type relationship that some neurotic men engage in requires that women be devalued to be sexually attractive—whether they are sex workers or not (the women have to be taken just as sex symbols or as pure sexual objects).
- On the other hand, men may feel intense love for women that they do not desire sexually with so much passion.
The Two Most Important Pieces of Advice to Remember in regard to finding Real Love are these:
- The Loss of Romanticism in our post-modern societies have serious consequences for establishing stable long-term love relationships.
- When women offer themselves sexually to men easily or too early, they decrease the chances that the men in question will become romantic and fall in love.
If you are a man, this will help you understand your own sexual and love psychology better. And, if you are a woman, learning about men’s psychology in Love matters will help you implement a smarter strategy when you are dealing with men; and thus manage your love relationships accordingly.
In my next posts, I will address the problem of Love and Desire on the side of Women.
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See you soon in my next post,
Dr T